mindcandy

yes its 3am and i was up since 2.30 due to allergies manifesting (my neck and chest itches like the crotch of a _________ and there is no way for me to stop it omg wtf) and my stomach feels like i stuffed a horse down it: bloated and fat *DOES MOAR PUSHUPS*

anyways, i can pretty much concur that my makeover failed because

1) my hair grew long and now everytime i clay it with the cheaper and much older grey gabsty moving rubber (WHICH SUCKS, BTW) it automatically makes my hear look super saiyan. no i am not kiddings. and i am so not willing to cut my hair just yet, i want it to grow longer so that i can has one of those wapanese haircuts that make me look japanese and foreign even tho i am 100% chinese malaysian. Not to mention that professional haircuts nowadays even for guys costs close to 50 smackeroos and anything below that makes you look like a) a nerd b) a loser c) someone who looks like edward sissorshand paid a visit. I still cannot bring myself to dig up gobs of the more expensive osis+ hair gunk because well, it is more expensive. Each dig into the can feels like digging into my asshole, which is painful, uncomfortable, and worse of all, horrifying.

2) I DONT HAVE THE MONIES OMG WHERE HAS ALL MONIES GONE. The first 4 months of my salary all went to paying outstanding loans and also my iphone. No like i have said a gazillion times before it was because a friend offered to me with a deal i could not refuse. Then, there is the other other loans that basically left me poor like a hobo and nuthing for my makeover thingy. This is kinda seriuse as my work clothes all suck (mainly because they were bought at discounted joints being the jew i am) and since i was new to this lolwut office thing. I plan to get my clothing from g2000 unless anyone has better solutions on how to get good quality shirts at good prices.

3) i posted a thread at the lowyat and i did get some helpful feedbacks on what to do but again a lot of drama in the process. Looks like i need to get a watch, better clothes (that fit and dosent poof up like mary poppins) and something other than a backpack (butbutbut i love backpacks bawww they said it was baaaad) and of course who could forget the oversensitib peepurs who decided to take offense when i thought messenger bags was girly? *HUGE MEGA FACEPALM*. it’s bad enough that metrosexuals are branded to be gays and oversensitive but this is more or less perpetuating that very sterotype…*rolleyes* cmon la the comments about me twiddling my thumbs and humming the smurfs IS offensive but its just that i dont wanna take offense so why should you with my silly opinions instead of trying to change it? bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

anyway you can read the whole thing here: http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1026495

4) lady gaga developed her style with the help of only 1 friend and lots of cocaine and she didint ask around like the idiot i am so why should i like ask people around? the peepurs in the forumz are already butthurt that i found their tastes disagreeable and someone already told me to dress the way i am comfortable with. Hrmmmm but anyway next step is gonna be getting one of those swiss metal bottles to replace my plastic one (plastic one will be from now on reserved for trips that require alot of water, since the nice metal ones only come in nice patterns for the 1l and only red and blue for 1.5l. but rm 30 for that extra 500ml…..functionality over style or style over functionality? I ARE CONFUSED AREGGHHHHH MAI HEAD AH NOES AH WIL POOOST EIN ZEE FLOUMS EIN ARZK DOES GAIS.

planning the makeover and trying hard to make it work is fun because i am actually doing something to redefine the person i am. Its not just about looking good but rather the ability to carry out and bring out certain aspects of you that you want people to see and that you can somewhat embody what you are and want to achieve. Its a more fun way at attracting success as well as the right people since people are suckers for 1st impressions and yadda yadda yadda anyway. And to quote lady gaga on this:

“It’s not about everyone knowing who you are, it’s everybody wanting to know who you are.
“Every time I get on the stage office or anywhere else, I do something different.
“I want people to think, ‘Every time I have this bitch /b/tard nailed down, shehe does something different.’-

CHEW ON THAT BIATCHES *SNORT*

I had a conversation with a female friend lately and we talked about my 1st date (recently i met a girl which i like…blabla okay this story is for another day..not today) and the conversation kinda went like this:

me: so when i told SH (a mutual friend, supposedly love expert but still single/virgin till now) about how on the 1st date she cried, he laughed at me and said that it was a failed date. At least me = 1 him =0 huhu

her: yes. counting dates. that’s really immatured.

me: uh, isnt it okay to like, relax once in a while?

her: show me a malaysian man (yep, she’s malaysian with lots of overseas experience) who’s matured and i will date him.

and the conversation continued. but the main point is about how much maturity do you really expect from people? I know people who are really older than me by almost a decade but they still act like lil boys, still havent grown up in some aspects so whats really the big deal about the whole maturity thing? I’m not really complaining but what i do find strange is that just because that you’re matured it dosent mean you should expect everyone else to be (no, not talking bout her, but just in general) and everything else is about give and take.

I have to agree tho, most malaysian guys are immatured because they’re taught to be themselves in the wrong way. It’s also maybe because of the whole “dont care what people think about you” thing strongly embedded in their minds…until they start working and realize that the attitude will kill them. But in any case, the result is still that most malaysian guys are petty and like to make inappropriate comments. I do have 2 collegues who are really matured but i guess those are exceptions. I do have a collegue who is nearing the big 40 and still acts like a kid and being childish and all. But hey he is enjoying life. Better than being classy and matured and not cracking a single joke and not enjoying life.

Perhaps, everyone has a matured and not so matured side and to expect everyone to show you the matured side 24/7 is selfish isnt it? Men are allowed to have fun sometimes, and not just have fun via golfing or cigar clubs.

I guess too much talk makes me immatured. more growing up, less talk.

for some reason i feel that i have found *MY people* (refers to the scene of one episode of spongebob where he tries to rescue miss puff from jail and she refuses, pointing to the convicts and says “these are MY people”) but really maybe i am just refreshed to have found people to whom i spent my childhood with for a bit…people whose lifestyles i have admired since from day 1: western educated malaysians aka bananas.

so i had this friend that i met recently online, and he turned out to be a really cool western educated guy. So I kinda bugged to meet with him (coz i was getting too little contact with english speakers that even my english was going down the drain and i was basically turning into someone i am not) and he asked me to meet him in his house with his friends, and his xbox360. It was really relaxing as everyone was in a very let-go mood and pulling off puns and jokes. This is very different than my normal environment where the wrong jokes/comments will basically earn you a dagger stare. And also no one in my default environment makes jokes like that and i love jokes like that.

We had a board game and it was one of the really long ones. It was called athlum or something. But it was fun although we didint manage to complete the game due to time constraints and all. But hey it was fun.

I felt healed for some reason and more grounded in reality when i met them. Perhaps its my ideals being met, being one of the “cool” guys, but it dosent matter because it really made me feel good and that i am not chasing after a dream. I am control of my life and i want it to go that direction. And I can do it right now.

Perhaps one day all my insanity will be healed =D

sometimes it is really the small things that you keep taking for granted like free time and discipline that when you let go or allow to be overwritten that you are screwed…it screws up your mind and also everything else.

I used to be able to plan my work and work them out with little or no problems but ever since last year i have been unable to prioritize properly and get things done and it eventually costs money. There are many things that i had to juggle last year and it was not exactly fair or considerate of the people making me work and do more and more when i cannot. Everything was equally important but i lacked the time.

this time it was not exactly different. I was back as a volunteer but was made to do a certain amount of things. I had early informed them that i was unable to do that much but they pressed on anyway and when i really could not handle it they tried to put a blame on me saying that because i failed to honour my word something was closed down. this may work on other people but after last year’s drama my mind has been reconfigured to be stronger and more resistant to such attacks but instability still exists. I trust myself more these days than to let anyone try to override me. Too much has happened and i can no longer live my life because of others. It’s gonna be for others and because of myself. Odd arrangement, not very spiritual but if i dont sustain myself and repair what has been damaged, eventually its gonna affect everyone around me.

so shin, justin, whoever is reading this, please understand that this break is necessary irregardless of whatever promises i made earlier, unless you really want me to get fired from my job due to lack of performance (for your info, this has caused me to be quite disturbed to the point i am losing intrest in life/my job which i do enjoy) and at the end of the day hand out shitty work for you guys, do force, beg and corner me at every turn to continue doing what is it you want me to do. My mind is not strong enough to handle all of these….it will collapse and when that happens i will ask for help and you will dismiss those as poor me stories and that i am seeking sympathy….what is the whole point when the real problem is because of unresolved issues and open wounds? that was what happened last year. I will not allow it to repeat ever again.

its not about just thinking about the forums its the whole picture, really because I do have nothing much to offer even though it looks like i have a lot for the reopening, and you guys would not hear of it. I am sorry but I need some personal space at the end of the day, until at least I can repair the part of the mind that is able to prioritize. It wont take long but it will need space.

if you guys really care and know me as a person and not as a robot, you will understand. else there is nothing much i can say at this point.

yea after all the drama that i have been through for the past xx years since i had this blog, i feel that it is really time for me to make a change and be someone whom i really wanna be instead of just being “myself” which is kinda boring and lame and slow and messy etc etc etc yadda yadda yadda

norlyitsbecauseifellinlovewithagirlatworkandiwantherattention D:

so i have decided to get classy. Firsty, empire23 kindly sold me his extra iPhone (thanks empy!) and although the charm and obsession with it has faded away now but i still like it due to the fact that it has awesum functions and that it doubles up as an ipod touch. Stuck in car for 4 hours? no problem! too embarrassed to bring reading materials while pooping in office? not an issue anymore! iPhone to the rescue!

Secondly, i have decided to walk into one of those girly salons to get my hair done the professional way and in order to look neater. I was kind of lucky that they were having a promotion or else it would have cost me about 50 smackeroos (for a guy, that’s really expensive unless your work requires you to look like a gigolo or some hedonistic faggish japanese boy, or that you just need to look good in order to impress your bosses and customers if not that you prolly need attention - lots of it) so yea i have before and after pics…

this was before they cut my hair

and yea it is a fancy salon in 1 utama. I had to convince myself that i am man enough to go into an establishment filled with men with weird hairdos with lipbalm on them. Allowing them to wash my hair and cut it is kinda scary as well O.O but it wasnt that bad after all. Especially after I saw all the good looking guys doing it i was convinced that this is one of the small sacrifices that i had to make for looking better….

And here’s the end result:

I LOOK LIKE SOME PUDGY GAY UNCLE D: D: D: BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

so I went off and bought some expensive hair wax thingy (coz all the cheap ones dont do shit yo, used loreal and gabsty before and they both sucked) with an unpronounceable brand which costs RM55 before the discount. I bought it at RM38. ouch.

expensive hair wax thingy that smells like car perfume? CHECK.

and so i decided to look more manly with my hairstyle:

But anyways, I feel like I am starting a brand new chapter in my life now and therefore, the need to look like a brand new person. I’m going for regular exercises now to improve my body coz i’m sick of being sickly and out of shape and soon will be working on my wardrobe. I’m really serious about starting a new life as a man who is responsible for himself and everyone else and who can plan ahead and solve whatever problems that come his way rather than someone who runs away from it and all..since inside cant really change overnight why not start with the outside?

at least something is being done rather than letting things be the way they are with no improvements whatsoever